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No, the Sad Bachelor/Bachelorette Apartment is Not a Thing

Podcast Version
Whether you're in a relationship or not, there are major perks to living alone. Yup, even if in long term relationship. Conventional? Nope, but you just might be persuaded after reading this unconventional view toward co-habiting.

Well homebodies, another Valentine’s Day is here. Depending on where you are in life, you may be rolling your eyes at this cheesy capitalist invention while you’re annoyed that every single restaurant in town is packed to the gills. Or you could be in a happy and functional relationship where it’s a personal decision whether or not to participate in this holiday.

Regardless of how you do or don’t observe, one thing is undeniable: living alone is pretty fucking sweet, actually.

You read that right. You can have a long and fulfilling relationship without necessarily co-habiting. Hell, Tim Burton and Helena Bonham Carter did it for over a decade. Most people aren’t in their income bracket, but couples living apart are becoming more common nowadays. It’s not for everyone. But if you felt suffocated in a traditional co-habiting long-term relationship, just know that it’s an option now. (Personally, I love the “living together but having separate bedrooms” deal. Small apartments make that a real boner killer, though.)

And this one is for the ladies reading in particular– if you ever felt like garbage that some fuckboy who you’re too good for didn’t want to take things to the next step, whether it was going on vacation together then eventually moving in together? You might have been better off. Because if you can save some dough and in some cases, change your homeownership trajectory a little, you don’t have to wait until you’re married or in a serious relationship to buy a place. Single ladies are comprising a huge bloc of new homeowners!

So whether you’re happy to be single, don’t know how to feel about that right now, or are outright depressed about yet another Valentine’s Day alone– don’t despair. Your girl the toad lady’s got you on this with a bunch of reminders of why your place is NOT a sad bachelor/ette pad.

Here’s some perks of living alone!

 

You can get whatever appliances you want!

Baby, it’s your money. Once your bare necessities are taken care of– food, medical care, utilities, transportation, rent/mortgage/condo fees– no one can tell you what to do with your money. You don’t have to fight about what you think is a waste of money or vice versa.

If that shiny new stand mixer makes you happy, buy it and make the fucking best batch of cookies you can come up with. If you’re going to use it and get enjoyment out of it, that’s all that matters.

If you don’t have roommates, and have control over your more big-ticket appliances, maybe it’s also time to consider dumping your full-size fridge if it’s on the brink of death. Getting a compact one is a kiss of death for most couples and families, unless one of you is able to go shopping very frequently or one or both of you is never ever home. Obviously, keep it if it works, or it’s a rental so you can’t do anything about the big-ticket stuff. But if you’re living single and either own the place or have a more permissive landlord, you can enjoy cutting some of your energy bill by going compact on some of your appliances.

But whether you want to spring for that fancy coffee brewing apparatus, or just get the absolute cheapest and simplest drip machine  at the drugstore, it’s your kitchen and you can outfit it however you want. No one’s going to pressure you to buy some hulking beast you’ll rarely use, but no one can tell you that something is wasteful or frivolous either. 

Plus, you don’t have to worry about coming home to find that it was used and not cleaned.

 

Go hogwild decorating however you please!

The colors, patterns, aesthetics, and pieces that catch your eye? Your home is your castle! It’s your space and you can do w-h-a-t-e-v-e-r the hell you want to it! 

Paint an entire room black like your soul? Get some Behr Evening Hush, the choice for goth home decor since The Downward Spiral came out. Fill the space with all of your sporting equipment, crafting goods, or that epic gaming setup? Go to town. It’s your space (unless you got roommates, that is).

And if decorating just isn’t something that you really prioritize, that’s okay too. A lot of people don’t bother to decorate because they’re broke, tired, or both. In my case, my decorating efforts fell a little flat because my situation was “Oh shit, the lease is up and I’m technically squatting here for four days until the movers come. Get everything to the new condo ASAP!” and having severe executive dysfunction while dealing with the logistics of moving can just plain be nightmarish.

But whether your jam is on the ascetic side, or you want that H&G worthy bachelor pad? It’s your time, money, and energy. You don’t need to run it by anybody.

 

Get that exotic pet you always wanted!

Okay, it doesn’t have to be exotic necessarily: I remember when my sister was a few months out from calling it quits with her ex, and he asked her one day if she’d sooner save him or her dog if the house was on fire. Sis chose the dog.

Hey, if I find a dude down to raise a knot of toads, cool. If not, singledom is a time to take advantage of having whatever pets you want without worrying about your partner being allergic, or perhaps unable and/or unwilling to help take care of them. When you decide to merge lifestyles and/or households, you do have to consider their pets part of the package. Having to rehome a pet because your partner is allergic to dogs is a heartbreaking decision, and some people simply choose to avoid potentially dealing with this by either staying single or getting back out in the dating pool.

My guideline is, “If you don’t like toads and Bulbasaurs, then I don’t want to know you.” If you won’t buy a girl a sack of toad litter for Valentine’s Day, it just ain’t gonna fly, fellas.

Whether you’re happy flying solo or want to hold out for that partner who’ll help you raise that dinosaur puppy you love to pieces, now’s the time to structure your home around your and your pet’s needs. Build that outdoor enclosure for your giant tortoise! Get a McMansion-sized cat tree your cat will play with for three minutes before napping in the box it came in.

Hey, they live in your home. Your date doesn’t.

 

Few things rule harder than starfishing on a king-size bed by yourself.

Ah, the bedroom,an area of comfort and respite, and sometimes sexytimes. A place where you’re either lamenting that someone is with you, or why can’t you have the bed to yourself for one night.

I think most of us have been there.

And it’s perfectly valid if you’re unhappy with one of these situations. You don’t have to be single– or coupled– forever.

But let’s get real: starfishing on a king-size bed is THE BEST thing about my business trips, hands down. My queen bed feels awkwardly sized, much like my actual apartment: quite spacious for one person, but two’s a crowd so things will need to upgrade if my life changes. So I took a look at king beds, and while they’re a total pain in the ass to change the sheets by yourself?

Sorry-not-sorry, it’s just worth it.

Do you still have that quilt your Aunt Martha made for you when you were in fourth grade, which your ex hated but you just can’t get rid of because it’s both super soft and reminds you of home and family? You can use that instead of a king-size comforter that weighs a ton and costs more than your mortgage payment.

Sin in Linen has some incredible sheet sets, these babies are amazing whether you’re luxuriating in them by yourself or with some special friends. It was the best fucking “indulgent singleton” purchase I ever made, for sure. I didn’t even care about what a gentleman friend or potential toad father thought; something about that leopard sheet set just screamed “This belongs in your house.”

Like you can actually roll over in a king-size bed and comfortably fit a laptop on a pillow, in addition to a phone and tablet with a powerstrip for maximum shitposting horsepower. Now if THAT’S not the best use of a king-size bed by yourself, I don’t know what is.

Wait, I do– being able to fit a pizza on there as well! You just can’t do that on a queen bed.

Happy Valentine’s Day, homebodies!

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