
New Yorkers think they understand America because they live in the center of the universe. They donโt. Especially when it comes to Chicago. The Second City operates on a completely different frequency than the Big Apple, and watching New Yorkers try to decode Chicago culture is like watching someone try to solve a Rubikโs cube while blindfolded. Here are 25 things that will forever mystify anyone who thinks the subway is the height of civilization.
25. You Donโt Understand Why We Call It โItalian Beefโ When Itโs Clearly a Sandwich

To you, itโs just a messy sandwich with weird, wet meat. You canโt comprehend why we treat Italian beef like itโs a sacred food group when it looks like someone dumped gravy on perfectly good roast beef. You keep asking for napkins and wondering why weโre eating something that requires a shower afterward. The beauty is in the drippiness, not despite it. Youโll never get it.
24. You Think Deep Dish Pizza Is โNot Real Pizzaโ

You smugly declare that our pizza is actually casserole while scarfing down your floppy triangles of sadness covered in grease. You canโt understand how something that takes 45 minutes to cook and requires a fork could possibly be pizza. Meanwhile, you think folding cardboard with cheese constitutes cuisine. Weโre not trying to reinvent pizzaโweโre improving it. Your thin crust is just bread with toppings.
23. You Canโt Comprehend Why We Actually Like Our Sports Teams

You root for teams you hate because you have Stockholm syndrome from decades of disappointment. We actually love our teams, even when they break our hearts. You canโt understand genuine sports passion that isnโt rooted in spite or geographical obligation. When the Cubs won in 2016, we cried actual tears of joy. When your teams win, you just complain about the parade traffic.
22. You Donโt Get Why Weโre Not Impressed by Your Rent Prices

You brag about paying $4,000 for a studio like itโs an achievement. Weโre looking at you like you just told us you enjoy getting punched in the face. You think expensive equals valuable. We think expensive equals stupid. You canโt fathom that someone might choose affordability over proximity to overpriced juice bars and artisanal everything.
21. You Think Chicago Winters Are โNot That Badโ Until You Experience One

You strut into town in January wearing your cute little peacoat, talking about how youโve โdealt with winter before.โ Then the polar vortex hits and you discover what actual cold feels like. Your โI survived Sandyโ t-shirt doesnโt prepare you for -20 wind chills that turn your tears into ice before they hit the ground. You learn quickly that talking tough about weather is very different from living through it.
20. You Canโt Understand Why We Donโt Want to Live Like Sardines

You think cramming eight people into a two-bedroom apartment is โcharacter building.โ We think itโs insane. You canโt comprehend wanting space to breathe, park a car, or have friends over without everyone sitting on the same couch. Youโve convinced yourself that living in a shoebox is sophisticated urban living. We call it claustrophobia with a lease.
19. You Donโt Get Our Relationship with Lake Michigan

You see a big lake and think, โthatโs nice.โ We see 22% of the worldโs fresh water and a coastline that stretches beyond the horizon. You canโt understand how a lake can feel like an ocean when youโre used to looking at the Hudson River and calling it waterfront. Lake Michigan isnโt just sceneryโitโs our backyard, our beach, and our weather system all rolled into one.
18. You Think Our Public Transportation Is โQuaintโ

You mock the L like itโs some adorable small-town trolley system. You canโt understand how we survive without a subway that goes everywhere and runs 24/7. Meanwhile, our trains actually run on time, donโt reek of mystery odors, and you can ride them without needing a hazmat suit. You mistake efficiency for simplicity.
17. You Canโt Comprehend Why We Donโt Rush Everywhere

You walk like youโre perpetually late for the most important meeting of your life. We walk like human beings who arenโt constantly stressed about imaginary deadlines. You think our pace means weโre lazy or unmotivated. We think your pace means youโre probably having a stroke. Thereโs a difference between being busy and being productive.
16. You Donโt Understand Why We Actually Talk to Strangers

Youโre suspicious of anyone who makes eye contact or says hello without being prompted. You canโt fathom that someone might strike up a conversation without wanting something from you. Youโve been conditioned to treat human interaction like a potential scam. We still remember that people can be decent without ulterior motives.
15. You Think Our Architecture Is โCuteโ But Not Important

You dismiss our skyline like itโs a nice regional effort while living in a city that peaked architecturally in 1931. You canโt understand that Chicago invented the skyscraper, perfected urban planning, and influenced every major cityโs design. You think tall equals impressive. We think beautiful equals impressive. Thereโs a difference.
14. You Canโt Figure Out Why Weโre Not Trying to Be New York

You keep waiting for us to admit weโre just a smaller, inferior version of your city. You canโt understand that we never wanted to be New York and consider that a feature, not a bug. You think every city should aspire to your particular brand of chaos. We think you can keep it. Weโre perfectly happy being Chicago.
13. You Donโt Get Why We Care About Neighborhoods

You live in Manhattan, Brooklyn, or Queens and think thatโs specific enough. We have 77 distinct neighborhoods, each with its own personality, history, and pride. You canโt understand why someone would identify as being from Lincoln Park versus Lakeview when theyโre โbasically the same thing.โ Theyโre not. Geography matters when you actually have choices.
12. You Think Our Music Scene Is Just Blues and Jazz

You show up expecting to hear Muddy Waters at every corner bar and are confused when you find indie rock, hip-hop, and electronic music instead. You canโt understand that a cityโs musical identity can evolve beyond its historical reputation. Youโre still looking for speakeasies, while weโve moved on to actual venues with good sound systems.
11. You Canโt Comprehend Driving as a Normal Part of City Life

You treat car ownership like some bizarre suburban fetish when itโs actually just practical transportation. You canโt understand how someone can live in a city and still need a car without being a failure at urban living. Youโve been brainwashed into thinking cars are evil instead of just tools that make life easier.
10. You Donโt Understand Why Weโre Not Jealous of Your Job Market

You assume everyone wants to work in finance, media, or tech startups that will implode in six months. You canโt fathom that some people prefer stable industries, reasonable work-life balance, and companies that arenโt run by 25-year-old sociopaths with venture capital. You think opportunity only exists in a five-mile radius of Times Square.
9. You Think Our Food Scene Is Just Steakhouses and Hot Dogs

You come here expecting only meat and potatoes and are shocked to find James Beard Award winners, innovative cuisine, and restaurants that donโt require a trust fund to afford. You canโt understand how a โsecondaryโ city could possibly have food that rivals yours. Youโre too busy waiting in line for ramen burgers to notice actual culinary innovation.
8. You Canโt Figure Out Why We Donโt Complain About Everything

You think constant griping about your city proves youโre sophisticated and discerning. We think it proves youโre miserable and should probably move. You canโt understand how someone can genuinely like where they live without being naive or settling for less. Contentment confuses you because youโve forgotten what it feels like.
7. You Donโt Get Why We Have Actual Seasons

You experience winter as โcoldโ and summer as โhotโ with no appreciation for the transition or variety. You canโt understand why we get excited about changing leaves, first snow, or spring flowers when you could just have the same gray drizzle year-round. You think consistent weather is superior to experiencing the full range of what nature offers.
6. You Think Our Pace of Life Means Weโre Not Ambitious

You mistake our work-life balance for a lack of drive. You canโt comprehend that someone might want to succeed without sacrificing their health, relationships, and sanity. You think 80-hour work weeks and chronic stress are badges of honor instead of symptoms of a broken system. We work to live. You live to work. Weโre not the confused ones.
5. You Canโt Understand Why We Donโt Center Our Lives Around Brunch

Youโve elevated weekend eating into a religion that requires reservations, waiting lists, and Instagram documentation. You canโt fathom just eating breakfast at breakfast time and lunch at lunch time like a normal person. You think combining two meals into one overpriced event makes you sophisticated. We think it makes you late for everything else.
4. You Donโt Get Why Weโre Not Impressed by Celebrity Sightings

You treat spotting someone famous like winning the lottery and canโt understand our complete indifference to celebrity culture. You canโt comprehend living somewhere where famous people arenโt constantly trying to be seen. You think celebrity proximity equals cultural relevance. We think privacy and normalcy are more valuable than gawking at actors buying coffee.
3. You Think Our Politics Are โSimpleโ Compared to Yours

You assume our political landscape is just โregular Democrat vs. Republicanโ when weโve actually perfected corruption into an art form that makes your amateur-hour scandals look quaint. You canโt understand political machinery that actually gets things done, even if itโs sometimes through questionable means. Your politics are all theater. Ours are all business.
2. You Canโt Comprehend Why We Donโt Want to Visit New York

You assume every American dreams of seeing the Big Apple and canโt understand why weโre not planning pilgrimages to your city. You canโt fathom that someone might prefer wide sidewalks, clean air, and personal space to crowds, noise, and overpriced everything. You think weโre missing out. We think weโre avoiding a headache.
1. Youโll Never Understand That We Donโt Think About You at All

This is the big one. You assume Chicago has some inferiority complex about New York and spend energy comparing us to you. The truth is, we rarely think about New York unless someone brings it up. Youโre not our rival, our goal, or our measuring stick. Youโre just another city weโre glad we donโt live in. Your obsession with being the center of everything blinds you to the fact that the rest of us are living perfectly good lives without you. Weโre really not that into you.
